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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

Announcements

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Sagittarius

I’m gonna need you to lock in with me here. That person who’s been pursuing you is on their last nerve and is going to give up soon. Now you and I both know that they gave you a bed rockin’, hair pullin’, booty bouncin’ good time and you can’t let that slip you by. Lock in and lock them down (maybe literally!).

Libra

Do it jiggle? Do it squirt? What do these questions have in common? They’ve both been asked by desperate frat guys and it’s this kind of rizz that is getting you no bitches! Switch up your game, have some class, be better and attract the type of person you wish to see in this world. Yes it jiggles, if by jiggles you mean shakes and by it you mean hands during a business deal. And yes it squirts if by squirts you mean it fills with money and by it you mean your bank account.

Cancer

This is a PSA: If you’re experiencing simp-toms such as severe attachment to a phone waiting for them to text you back, all-consuming thoughts of one person (or several), or doing ridiculous things you have literally never done in your life before and never will again, then you are entitled for compensation. Our services include, but are not limited to: nuking your contact list, taking a hammer to your phone, and finding that sonofabitch and “sending them a message.”

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]