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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Aries

Get crazy girl, today is your day to hit the town. The world is your oyster and it’s your job to get as many pearls as possible, so put on some clean pants, spray that dollar tree perfume on you, and get some serious hoein’ done!

Gemini

Your two faces need to be on two other faces today. Happy national threesome day that you and only you celebrate! I don’t care if it’s two best friends or two total strangers! I don’t care if one gets the seat in the corner and one gets the bed! It doesn’t even matter if they’re even remotely the same height as each other OR as you! Just get it twice over and get it soon!

Pisces

Just checked in with the love gods and they are n o t happy with you. You have been seeing someone behind your partner’s back. Now this can be amended in one of two ways, either tell your partner, OR double down and start seeing m u l t i p l e people behind your partner’s back. Show the love gods you mean business!

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]