therectangle

MUST READ: Breaking News

Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

Announcements

Please Please Please Please Please Please

  • Give us more of your money. We want more money.
  • Confirm that you are going to give us money please.

AskTheRectangle

#notsponsored

  • Planning on committing a war crime?

    Is your group chat missing a journalist to spice things up? Add our esteemed editor-in-chief, Il Duce, to your group chat and share all the classified secrets you want! We promise we won't publish them!

  • Congarts. You have won twenty-five billion dollar!

    Please click on this link to claim your prize from Mr beats: http://ehfiufhui.notascam.jpeg.gov

  • Introducing Drexel Rush!

    In a new collaboration with Rush sponsored by the uptake in usage at the frats on campus, Drexel has combined to create a new brand of poppers for the everyday college student

Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Cancer

This is a PSA: If you’re experiencing simp-toms such as severe attachment to a phone waiting for them to text you back, all-consuming thoughts of one person (or several), or doing ridiculous things you have literally never done in your life before and never will again, then you are entitled for compensation. Our services include, but are not limited to: nuking your contact list, taking a hammer to your phone, and finding that sonofabitch and “sending them a message.”

Sagittarius

I’m gonna need you to lock in with me here. That person who’s been pursuing you is on their last nerve and is going to give up soon. Now you and I both know that they gave you a bed rockin’, hair pullin’, booty bouncin’ good time and you can’t let that slip you by. Lock in and lock them down (maybe literally!).

Virgo

Virg-oja Cat once said "He like the Doja and the Cat, yeah / He like it thick, he like it fat, yeah". These words of wisdom should be your guiding light today. Get out into the world and make thick stacks. Get thick with positive vibes and super thick healing energy. Make sure everyone can see your thick smile and that they’re all thick with interesting words that compel deep meaning and thick affirmative self reflection. I mean, that’s what Doja Cat meant by “he like it thick”, right?

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]