The Triangle editorial board often talks about the creator of The Triangle, and how it all came to be. But, it’s time we share the lore with the common folks:
First, there was the Big Bang. And on the 8th day God said, “Let there be John Triangle.”
In 1906, John Triangle was born. But, he wasn’t your typical baby. No, John was born with a full head of hair, wearing a fedora, and a loud crash caused by his typewriter falling to the floor accompanied his birth. John, instead of like most babies who cry and want their mother, asked to fact-check his birth certificate within six seconds of being in this world, and edited the spelling of his own name. His mother had spelled it “Jon.” He whipped out a red pen (no one knows from where) and made his very first copy edit. It was at this moment that he handed his mother a copy of “The Elements of Style” by Strunk & White. For those unfamiliar, this is basically the journalism “Bible” and what is John Triangle if not a descendant of Christ himself? It was from that moment that everyone knew one thing: John was a journalist.
So how did John Triangle end up at Drexel? Well, no one ever said he made good financial decisions. He could spot an Oxford comma from a mile away, but budgeting? Keeping funds? He couldn’t do that to save his life. Yeah, he was for sure meant for the journalism industry. John was Drexel’s very first journalism major. The department consisted of him and one singular professor, Dr. Ed Itorial. John thought this was straight-up pathetic. How was such a distinguished gentleman such as himself supposed to thrive at a university that couldn’t even fund a department? If only there was a way for him to comment on such sinister behavior. At this moment, John had the idea of a lifetime. And so, in 1926, he took matters into his own hands. He founded Drexel’s first independent student newspaper, The Triangle, and only saw it fit to name it after the world’s greatest journalist — himself.
Now, one might think this is where John’s story ends. He created Drexel’s first student newspaper which led to the successful and thriving publication that exists on campus today, but no. That was not the case. In 1927, Joe Circle, enrolled as Drexel’s second-ever journalism student and he only had one goal in mind for his undergraduate career: Take down John Triangle. See, he had heard about John Triangle and his successes and thought it was a bunch of crap. And he knew he could be better than him. So, he started his own student newspaper, The Circle. John Triangle, upon hearing the news, could not believe that someone was trying to dethrone him of literally founding student journalism. John Triangle, outraged, challenged Joe to a duel – a breaking news-off, whoever broke the biggest Drexel scoop first won. They both rushed across campus, hunting for a story – and they found one. Joe was confident in breaking “Speakeasy busted at Market Street Wawa,” but fell on deaf ears. “Drexel Football Team quarterback trampled by professor’s horse!” The crowd erupted. John won of course. But Joe wasn’t done yet. He threw a newspaper and lunged at John, initiating Drexel’s first-ever journalist fistfight. It was brutal — ink smudges, red pens flying, a rogue typewriter hurled through the air. After three solid punches, and one perfectly placed Oxford comma, John won, yet again.
John, thinking he was incredibly successful, straightened his fedora (which he still wore) and gave himself a pat on the back. Little did he know, he had another enemy, Josh Rectangle.
No one had ever heard of Josh Rectangle. He kept himself under the radar. He joined the journalism program at Drexel, but kept it under wraps. He knew his time to conquer John Triangle and take back the journalism industry would come, or at least make John’s fedora less cool. That, and he hated unfunny people, and he thought John Triangle was so not funny. I mean, like anyone was funnier than him. Just hearing John talk made him nauseous. So, Josh Rectangle decided to start a once-a-year satire publication called “The Rectangle.” John, finding this so ridiculous, didn’t even try to stop him. “Josh’s publications are all misquotes, lies, and most preposterously, oxford commas,” he scoffed. “This is no competition for The Triangle,” he said with the smug confidence of a man who had never once seen a meme he didn’t think was beneath him.
Eventually, Josh and John got along over their shared hatred of Joe Circle, and the two publications continue to co-exist today, working together to publish breaking stories such as Drexel quantum physicists discovering Triangle particles.
And so many years down the line, when the legends of that fateful day had become folklore, we did what any good, respectful office would do: we named the office rat after John Triangle. His spirit lives on in every nibble, every scurry across the floor, and every perfectly timed dramatic pause before a deadline. Feel free to stop by and say hi to John whenever you are in Creese, and don’t forget to bring him snacks.