Photo Courtesy: Blood E. Pulp
Drexel University’s Department of Public Safety held a tournament to select two of the University’s most infamous Drexel Alerts in 2014 to compete in the most brutal cage wrestling match. After possibly one of the bloodiest events in television history, the final match up comes between Alert contenders “Silver Toga” and “Brass Knuckles.” The event, “Drexel Epic Alert: The Final Text,” is slated to happen April 11 live at the Wells Fargo Center and available on Xfinity Pay-Per-View.
To recap, Knuckles was reported for attempted robbery using brass knuckles at the Insomnia Cookies truck in front of the W.W. Hagerty Library in January 2014. On the other hand, Toga was known from a no-weapon assault on 33rd Street and Powelton Avenue in September 2014, wearing a silver toga.
The Department of Public Safety announced the tournament Jan. 5 with two phases. The first phase was for students, faculty and even parents to nominate their most infamous Drexel Alert crime. Public Safety then compiled the most nominated names into a list and published it Feb. 15. Both phases were completed via a form on DragonLink.
Iggy Nobiggy, the event coordinator of Drexel Epic Alert, said, “DragonLink provides a scam-free and impartial voting process. Participants are required to input their student IDs and go through a sophisticated system of steps to make sure one person can only vote for one nominee, which is very important.”
Knuckles and Toga will take each other on a customized wrestling game, exclusively designed by Drexel’s professional wrestling head coach Dwaine “The Stone” Ronson.
“The game consists of three rounds. The players start with freestyle wrestling, then another wrestling round but with the use of two weapons of their choice and end with climbing to the top of a concrete pillar, called ‘The Shaft.’ Whoever wins at least two rounds, wins the whole thing,” Ronson said. He will also serve as the referee of the game.
The Judging panel includes Drexel President Juan Fry and rotating members of Drexel faculty.
“I want to see these punk-ass Alerts fucking kill each other. Plus, I can judge with my shirt off,” Fry said.
Nobiggy said, “The prize, however, is not yet determined. It can be ranged from $10,000 to a round of applause, depending on the University’s budget allocation.”
Knuckles and Toga will be well-prepared for the game as they have to complete a mandatory intensive physical training program in the Daskalakalakis “Get Swole” Center.
The Rectangle staff managed to catch the two training at the Swole Center for an interview. We found Silver Toga intensely training by taking tequila shots and then shotgunning a beer can before crushing it on top of his head. By the time a Rectangle reporter could reach him, he was already surrounded by piles of Yuengling cans and red Solo cups. Knuckles was hard at working punching a frozen slab of meat of indiscernible origins. She took breaks eating raw cookie dough in order to keep her strength up.
“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’m most exhilarated for the second round, where you can use weapons. I have ordered a pair of diamond knuckles for this round. When I’m done with him, it’s going to put the ‘blood’ in ‘blood diamond,’” Knuckles said while furiously pounding the frozen meat.
Toga shared different sentiment, “Honestly, it’s going to be really chill bro. I’m in a frat. Like, I’ve met a couple chicks after my fights. That’s the only thing I really care about.”
He continued his training by dumping a shot of lager into a cup of red bull and swallowing it in one gulp, screaming and singing “America the Beautiful.” When asked if he was going to make any special preparations he responded, “I’m in a frat so all of my brothers are going to be there. I’m going to paint our letters all over my body. I’m real stoked about it.”
According to Nobiggy, the event has received an abundance of support on campus since it was first launched.
Frank Oz, the Insomnia Cookies truck owner, said with a mouthful of chocolate chip cookies, “YEZZZ, I watch the game and support toga man. Knuckles lady was mean to I and tried to steal our cookies. Cookies are very important for boys and girls. If toga man win, I give cookies to EVERYONE. COOKIES!”
Sociology senior Azzy Ericsson said, “Finally Drexel does something cool. I’m mad excited about this. I have a quiz the week after but I emailed my professor to postpone it for me. I’m sure he’ll be OK with it.”
Tickets are available to pick up at Drexel Central for $29.99. The event is also live 10 p.m. ET, 7 p.m. PT on Xfinity Pay-Per-View at $49.99. Drexel students can enter their student IDs as promo code to receive a major discount of $0.99.