In a heartbreaking announcement to students and faculty, the Drexel University Counseling Center announced that the beloved therapy and emotional support dogs, Espresso, Java, and Mocha Latte, had vanished overnight.
“We have no idea what happened. We left them in their beds last night, and when we got back they were gone,” said a representative for the counseling center.
The only clue, according to Drexel’s Department of Public Safety, was a squash racket and book titled, “Just Raise Tuition and Other Life Hacks for College Presidents.” Drexel Police are calling this a true puzzle, and are calling in the FBI to help solve the kidnapping.
“We really just have no leads or idea where they could have gone,” said a Drexel Police spokesman.
In unrelated news, this afternoon saw Jawn Fry and Temple University announce the adoption of three new fuzzy friends. Three new therapy dogs were unveiled, with President Jawn naming the new pets Coffee, Capachino and Hot Chocolate.
President Jawn said that they came from “the streets” and that they would be cared for in their new home. He mentioned that in the few short hours since Temple adopted them, they had been trained in therapeutic services and counseling.
In a follow up interview, Jawn Fry said that Temple University will be firing the entire staff of the student counseling office.
“These dawgs, they are simply the best at what they do, trained for this role, we do not need any other counselors, we can just have the lil pups take care of it.”
A source, going only by the name “TheFryinator”, claimed Temple students were overjoyed by this development, saying that having three dogs as the universities only counselors would fully solve all student mental health problems. Temple is now considered a utopia, and is being considered for admission to the Ivy League.