In just a few days, the Drexel Football Team faces off against their conference rivals, Penn Improv Super Squad for the championship title. As this legendary event approaches, Drexel University officials are preparing for tens of fans to hit Lancaster Walk, and avoid a repeat of the dangerous situations caused by DFTs past victories.
Melvin “Mel” Singleton Jr., Vice President of Public Safety for Drexel University, stated “Exploiting students for tuition money is our top priority. Somewhere much farther down the list is safety.”
Singleton revealed some of Drexel’s security plans for after the National College Improv Tournament, most notably claiming the University plans to grease the balls on Lancaster Walk. Since they were installed in September of 2022, these balls have been a temporary perch for a handful of students, much to the chagrin of Drexel’s administration.
“Don’t climb the balls or anything else,” new President Antonio Merlo said. “Please, Drexel, I implore you as your new President, don’t climb the balls or anything else.”
As the student body’s enthusiasm for the legendary DFT vs PISS showdown grows, Drexel is sparing lots of expense to try to control the expected chaos. On top of lubricating the balls, Drexel University Public Safety is once again setting up the fences that were used by former president John Fry to ward off peaceful protestors from sitting on the grass around campus.
Local businesses around Lancaster Walk such as Landmark and Saxbys will also be closing their doors and barricading their windows. Drexel’s shuttle service will also help control the size of crowds by preventing people from boarding the buses at certain times and running off schedule, though it’s unclear if this is in relation to the event.
The Drexel Administration could not emphasize the importance of students celebrating responsibly after the impact of last year’s victory. Celebrations in years prior have featured numerous arrests of fans who got a little bit too crazy, and DUPD is worried that this year’s numbers will not be any better. Still, students are eagerly anticipating the upcoming match. Stu Pidassol, a senior at Drexel’s Lebow College of Business, shared his thoughts on the event, and the subsequent celebration.
“We have a football team?” Pidassol asked, “Oh it’s improv comedy? Didn’t know we had that either. Yeah I’m not going to that”.
It’s not often University City is buzzing this much with excitement. Even students at the University of Pennsylvania seem to be less miserable than normal as they look forward to this event. The Drexel Football Team’s league championship is shaping up to be an epic finale you won’t want to miss.