Vice President Joe Biden was sighted at Kiwi Yogurt on 36th and Chestnut March 29. Store manager JaVale O’Flannery said, “It’s a thrill to have such a famous national figure in my store. I just wish he would stop holding up the line, he’s been trying to pick out flavors and toppings for about two hours.” Vice President Biden could not be reached for comment but an anonymous source says that Biden claimed, “I’m just not used to having this much deciding power.”
Recently acquired Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford was spotted at the DAC recently. Bradford was practicing with the men’s basketball division I team, and reportedly holding his own against players such as Damion Lee. Head coach James “Bruiser” Flint commented afterwards, “I like Sam’s game a lot. He fit right in with the guys, especially considering his history of season-ending injuries.”
Pennsylvania-native Taylor Swift was glimpsed dining at Drexel Pizza recently. Lucky student Travis Beavers snagged a selfie with Swift saying, “I am literally the only student who is ever in here. Ever. They all laughed at me, but who is laughing now? My picture with Taylor got 11 likes on the Facebook! Eleven!” Swift could not be reached for comment.
Bono, the iconic lead singer of the rock band U2, was spotted hanging out at the Dragon Statue handing out aid packages to students for about an hour. Bono later posted on his Facebook page, “So great to help out those students at Drexel earlier. I haven’t seen such a group of underprivileged kids like that in quite some time. It might be time to reevaluate acceptance rates for incoming freshman over at that institution.” One student who received aid said, “It’s just a bag with a few Euros, a loaf of Irish soda bread and a code for a free digital download of ‘Songs of Innocence.’”
Alex Trebek and the “Jeopardy!” Clue Crew were on campus March 30 to film some clues for the upcoming College Tournament. When reached for comment, a member of the Clue Crew said, “It’s hard coming up with Drexel-specific clues because the response contestants seem to always give is, ‘What is depressing?’” Trebek was seen standing on the corner of 31st and Market explaining to passers-by the correct French pronunciation of “LeBow.”
Famed actor Liam Neeson was spotted on campus dressed in full costume as Qui-Gon Jinn, his role from “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.” Evidently a member of the Dragon Jedi, Monica Simmons, won the right to spend a whole day to do whatever she wanted with Neeson at a charity auction. When reached for comment Lehan said, “I am just so taken with Liam, he’s my favorite actor.” On what the rest of the day with Neeson might entail, Simmons said, “Definitely going to reenact ‘Phantom Menace’ scene-for-scene. I have the funeral pyre ready and everything!”
