FordforPresident.com The Rectangle
Rob Ford is at it again, though this time it doesn’t have anything to do with drugs, public drunkenness or general tomfooler – well, not
yet. Ford announced he will puruse an acting career because of he’s so comfortable in the spotlight.
With his political career in Toronto on the rocks, Mayor Rob Ford is embarking on a new career path: acting. Ford was recently in town to black out at a Maple Leafs versus Flyers game and took the time to sit down with The Rectangle and discuss his latest endeavors. When asked about this sudden, surprising push into acting, Ford said, “With all the press I’ve been getting of late, I am becoming more comfortable on camera, and I’m thinking of bringing my talents down to Hollywood.” Ford noted that his favorite television show of all time is “hands-down” HBO’s “The Wire.” While Ford didn’t comment on whether the show’s drug-related subject matter had anything to do with the crack he admitted to smoking during a drunken stupor, he did share an amusing anecdote related to the show.
“Yeah, so once I got elected to city council I learned that I would get a personal driver to take me to and fro. The guy’s name was actually Omar, just like from ‘The Wire’! Every time I called him to come I would hang up, look around and yell at everyone, ‘Omar’s coming!’ So good, right? I think I made that joke every day for, like, oh gosh, like, eight years, until he got shot by some random kid in a convenience store. I’m talking about my Omar, God bless and keep him, not ‘Wire’ Omar. What a way to go though, just like the Omar on TV, it’s what my Omar would have wanted.”
After getting Ford back on track, I asked him what kinds of shows he would like to act in. “Oh that ‘House of Cards’ show, most definitely. I just binge-watched the first season. I love binge-watching shows on Netflix. Then again, I’ll binge on anything. Anyway, that one episode where Kevin Spacey does the politicking and then eats Kate Mara’s pussy afterward? I saw that, turned to my wife and said, ‘I do that for free right now; I could do it on TV and get paid!’ I mean, where do I sign up, right?”
Can’t argue with the man there.
I didn’t want to tell him any of the developments from this latest season of “House of Cards” as Ford hasn’t see it yet because he’s been so busy using his free time to take acting classes. “Yeah, five or six days a week I’m in class trying to hone my craft. With most of my mayoral powers being rescinded, I’ve got a ton of time to focus on acting.” Ford cited “Game of Thrones” as another show he “wouldn’t mind” starring in. “I’m a huge ‘Thrones’ fan. Those Lannisters are real hosers if you ask me. I definitely think I could play Hodor. Doesn’t look that hard; just be fat, look confused a lot and say ‘Hodor’ all the time. Seems pretty easy to me.”
Again, infallible logic.
Trying to get Mayor Ford onto more interesting areas of discussion, I had some success. On Justin Bieber’s arrest and continued antics: “That little punk used to be the pride of Canada, now he’s just a tatted-up scumbag who you could probably score some drugs off of.” On the United States’ new Affordable Care Act compared to Canada’s healthcare system: “Just another way the U.S. is trying to copy Canada. First hockey, the Space Needle in Seattle, now this? C’mon America.” How about the disrespect Barney Stinson dishes out to Canada in the hit show “How I Met Your Mother”? “Hey now, I love Barney, what a poonhound, eh? But his digs at Canada cut me deep, especially with him being together with that Robin Sparkles gal. What a bod on her, eh?”
After I attempted to get Ford’s opinion on the escalating situation with the referendum in Crimea, he began to go on a rant that didn’t let me get a word in edgewise for almost 20 minutes. Here is an excerpt. Be advised; by this time he had begun to speak in Canadian. They have some lame slang up there.
“This interview has gone well compared to some of the kerfuffles I’ve gotten into with the blood-sucking press back in Toronto. I grabbed a few cheesesteaks from that Pat’s earlier and oh boy what a steal, except he didn’t want to take my toonies and I had to shell out some of your lame American dollars. What, no queen to put on your paper money? Brutal. At least here at Drexel you can find a two-four or a mickey pretty much anywhere, no poutine though, eh? What gives? Sorry I keep going on like this, I’m somewhere in between ‘watching hockey drunk’ and ‘saying racial slurs in a Jamaican accent at a Taco Bell’ drunk.”
Ford only stopped after saying “I’m tired” and then immediately passing out in his chair. Be sure to check therectangle.org for all the latest news regarding Rob Ford’s career as a thespian.