MUST READ: Breaking News
Announcements
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AskTheRectangle
Have a question? That sucks.
#notsponsored
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Planning on committing a war crime?
Is your group chat missing a journalist to spice things up? Add our esteemed editor-in-chief, Il Duce, to your group chat and share all the classified secrets you want! We promise we won't publish them!
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Congarts. You have won twenty-five billion dollar!
Please click on this link to claim your prize from Mr beats: http://ehfiufhui.notascam.jpeg.gov
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Introducing Drexel Rush!
In a new collaboration with Rush sponsored by the uptake in usage at the frats on campus, Drexel has combined to create a new brand of poppers for the everyday college student
Health and Well-Being Resources
Depressed Like Everyone Else?
Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.
Whore-o-scopes
Leo
Today you should be focused on Disney. Make sure this morning you are a sleeping beauty, then put on some Mu-langerie, after that go downstairs and put some Tiana stove. Make sure you slide into those dm’s today lest someone Elsa beat you to it, and when you do complement them Anna lot of stuff. Last but not least, make sure you remember there’s Snow White way to get down and dirty, just make sure you mo(an)-an-a a lot and remember that just because it’s good doesn’t mean you have to Merida guy!
Gemini
Your two faces need to be on two other faces today. Happy national threesome day that you and only you celebrate! I don’t care if it’s two best friends or two total strangers! I don’t care if one gets the seat in the corner and one gets the bed! It doesn’t even matter if they’re even remotely the same height as each other OR as you! Just get it twice over and get it soon!
Taurus
I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.
Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]
Dear Members of the Drexel Community
On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert
tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts
and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]