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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Capricorn

It’s time for some sexuality switching! Go try something new, your usual routines are fun, but well worn. Take a spin with the gender wheel and unlock hidden sexualities previously unbeknownst to humanity! Get some he/him-bos added to your roster, get zir/ze-rious about being freaky, become a she/her-icane of uninhibited sexual desire! Carpe every diem you see!

Aquarius

Do you hear that annoying squeak in your bed frame that inevitably keeps your roommates up all night? Yeah neither do they and they wrote in to tell me that you need to get going! All beds must be broken into and yours is eerily quiet, so go read Aries’ whore-o-scope because the two of you can wingmen each other (trust me, you’ll need it).

Scorpio

You need to go get some good W.A.P. today. And I'm not talking about the Megan Thee Stallion song (you pervert), I’m talking about good old fashioned Working-out And Protein drinks! Summer is fast approaching and your future beau is coming to you on a Jersey shore beach in three months and six days. So get workin!

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]