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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Taurus

I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.

Aries

Get crazy girl, today is your day to hit the town. The world is your oyster and it’s your job to get as many pearls as possible, so put on some clean pants, spray that dollar tree perfume on you, and get some serious hoein’ done!

Aquarius

Do you hear that annoying squeak in your bed frame that inevitably keeps your roommates up all night? Yeah neither do they and they wrote in to tell me that you need to get going! All beds must be broken into and yours is eerily quiet, so go read Aries’ whore-o-scope because the two of you can wingmen each other (trust me, you’ll need it).

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]