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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Aquarius

Do you hear that annoying squeak in your bed frame that inevitably keeps your roommates up all night? Yeah neither do they and they wrote in to tell me that you need to get going! All beds must be broken into and yours is eerily quiet, so go read Aries’ whore-o-scope because the two of you can wingmen each other (trust me, you’ll need it).

Libra

Do it jiggle? Do it squirt? What do these questions have in common? They’ve both been asked by desperate frat guys and it’s this kind of rizz that is getting you no bitches! Switch up your game, have some class, be better and attract the type of person you wish to see in this world. Yes it jiggles, if by jiggles you mean shakes and by it you mean hands during a business deal. And yes it squirts if by squirts you mean it fills with money and by it you mean your bank account.

Aries

Get crazy girl, today is your day to hit the town. The world is your oyster and it’s your job to get as many pearls as possible, so put on some clean pants, spray that dollar tree perfume on you, and get some serious hoein’ done!

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]