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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

Announcements

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Scorpio

You need to go get some good W.A.P. today. And I'm not talking about the Megan Thee Stallion song (you pervert), I’m talking about good old fashioned Working-out And Protein drinks! Summer is fast approaching and your future beau is coming to you on a Jersey shore beach in three months and six days. So get workin!

Pisces

Just checked in with the love gods and they are n o t happy with you. You have been seeing someone behind your partner’s back. Now this can be amended in one of two ways, either tell your partner, OR double down and start seeing m u l t i p l e people behind your partner’s back. Show the love gods you mean business!

Cancer

This is a PSA: If you’re experiencing simp-toms such as severe attachment to a phone waiting for them to text you back, all-consuming thoughts of one person (or several), or doing ridiculous things you have literally never done in your life before and never will again, then you are entitled for compensation. Our services include, but are not limited to: nuking your contact list, taking a hammer to your phone, and finding that sonofabitch and “sending them a message.”

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]