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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Taurus

I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.

Sagittarius

I’m gonna need you to lock in with me here. That person who’s been pursuing you is on their last nerve and is going to give up soon. Now you and I both know that they gave you a bed rockin’, hair pullin’, booty bouncin’ good time and you can’t let that slip you by. Lock in and lock them down (maybe literally!).

Gemini

Your two faces need to be on two other faces today. Happy national threesome day that you and only you celebrate! I don’t care if it’s two best friends or two total strangers! I don’t care if one gets the seat in the corner and one gets the bed! It doesn’t even matter if they’re even remotely the same height as each other OR as you! Just get it twice over and get it soon!

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]