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Pickle Corner

Welcome back to The Rectangle’s Pickle Review Corner! Today we will be reviewing the “Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickle.” Three of our expert pickle critics will taste the pickles, break them down by category and give a closing statement. …

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Health and Well-Being Resources

Depressed Like Everyone Else?

Damn that's lowkey but highkey kinda crazy. You should probably do something about that lol. Just remember, your billing statement (eBill) from Drexel University is now ready for you to view.

Whore-o-scopes

Taurus

I’m going to need you to hold my hand when I tell you this. It just happened. That last time you got nasty dirty freaky? Yeah. That was it. That was the last time. No, not like the last time this month or the last time this year, that was the l a s t time. So put up your “closed” sign, border up those windows because nobody is riding that roller coaster ever again. I hope it was worth it, and I’m really sorry for your loss.

Sagittarius

I’m gonna need you to lock in with me here. That person who’s been pursuing you is on their last nerve and is going to give up soon. Now you and I both know that they gave you a bed rockin’, hair pullin’, booty bouncin’ good time and you can’t let that slip you by. Lock in and lock them down (maybe literally!).

Cancer

This is a PSA: If you’re experiencing simp-toms such as severe attachment to a phone waiting for them to text you back, all-consuming thoughts of one person (or several), or doing ridiculous things you have literally never done in your life before and never will again, then you are entitled for compensation. Our services include, but are not limited to: nuking your contact list, taking a hammer to your phone, and finding that sonofabitch and “sending them a message.”

Statement on [Insert Tragic Event]

Dear Members of the Drexel Community

On today [insert date], [insert summary of tragic event] occured. I am deeply saddened by [insert tragic event].
Our thoughts and prayers are with the [victims | survivors | those affected]. While we can offer our thoughts and prayers, these are simply not enough. We must additionally offer [insert token effort]