Photo Courtesy: Harry Arse
In what can only be described as a shocking turn of events, junior electrical engineering student Frank Peterson decided to engage his classmates in conversation for the first time in over three years. Peterson, almost always studying for his next thermo exam, engaged those in the immediate vicinity of his desk for over five minutes on a surprisingly wide breadth of topics. The Rectangle got up close and personal with his classmates and professor to see what they had to say about the matter.
“I had never talked to him before today,” Amelia Towson, a sophomore biomedical engineering major, said. “He seemed friendly, but the conversation seemed a little forced. Honestly, the couple of zits on his chin and the thin blonde mustache were making me a little uncomfortable.”
According to Towson, Peterson said “Hey” to her, then left a short uncomfortable silence before following up with an expression of gratitude towards the warmer weather that has recently come to Philadelphia. Towson agreed and, having felt a little uncomfortable with the situation, decided to pull out her cellphone and check Facebook until class started.
Fellow classmate John Roberts had a similar experience. “It was awkward,” he said. “There’s only so much you can say about the weather, and I feel like his understanding of Philadelphia sports teams was debatable and at least somewhat lacking in its authenticity.” Allegedly, following his botched conversation with Towson, Peterson engaged Roberts, talking about how excited he was to see Nick Foles “finally bring the Eagles to the Super Bowl like they deserve.”
When confronted on his lack of knowledge about Foles being traded to the St. Louis Rams, Peterson deflected by claiming he got his names mixed up and really meant to say LeSean McCoy. “At that point I just nodded my head and pulled out my laptop in order to avoid him,” Roberts said.
Peterson’s professor had a more hopeful outlook on the ordeal. “Oh, he has time to talk to classmates? That’s great! I’ll think about that when I’m trying figure out how much I’m going to curve his exam.”
When we reached out to Peterson for comment, his only reply was, “It was honestly so exciting to actually talk to people for the first in a really long time. And Amelia’s actually … really cute. Did she say anything about me? There was a really awkward moment with John. But eh, who cares. He probably doesn’t even play Minecraft.” Peterson was mostly relieved, however, that he might have social interactions that didn’t involve setting up group projects or “raging against sh–ty bot lanes on [Leage of Legends].”
At press time, Peterson has not made any further attempts at conversing with his classmates, much to their relief.