Hey bitch, this school is cheaper than your mom

Photo courtesy Frank's selfie stick

Photo courtesy Frank’s selfie stick

I know that you probably don’t want to hear the same argument about the unreasonable cost of Drexel, but I can’t help myself. The detrimental effects this tuition is having on the helpless students is getting out of hand. I don’t condone it and I won’t stand for it.

Drexel is too cheap and it is attracting the commoners.

I am so sick and tired of looking out of Evo and seeing all of the poor people clogging the streets. The huddled masses make it impossible to get to the limousine with coming within smelling distance of the city’s robust “working class”.

Every single day as I am being chauffeured around campus, I see people walking on the street. Walking! What kind of example are we trying to set for the children here? That walking is okay? That it’s fine to slack off because you don’t actually need to afford vehicles?

Children are as impressionable as my collection of antique Italian florins (3.5 grams of gold each) and we must nurture them constantly. Thank goodness Betsy Devos wants to get rid of those plague-infested public schools. No parent that wants their kid to learn anything would opt for anything less than a private institution in New York. Although, I suppose flying them abroad could have the same effect.

But here at Drexel, we strive to be different. I came here because it was one of the most expensive degrees money could buy. Only now I find out that my money doesn’t go towards putting gold leaf on the pillars in main building, but funnels into scholarships for the other students?

These “scholarships” are nothing more than gift-wrapped communism. How many times should your betters pay for you before you actually start earning money for yourself? Finding a job is not difficult, just ask your dad and he will set you up with one of his CEO friends’ kids.

Think about it, a simple 420% increase in price would force people to actually have to save up to come here. They would appreciate it so much more instead of slacking off and sitting wherever they can find grass. It is disgusting how the first sunny day will cause people to ignore how “precious” their education is to them.

Housing is simply another aspect of life here that I cannot understand. The prices are so low that just any bum off the street can walk in and get a condo. The other day I saw one of the residents here eating a regular cereal bar instead of the soy, gluten-free, gold-leafed bar from Whole Foods. People around here don’t even care if they are eating all natural ingredients. I bet they don’t even worry about getting their daily platinum intake.

The students here are so lazy. If they spent less time worrying about how they are going to pay for their education and more time actually studying, they would have less stress and better grades. The money should not be a distraction from what is actually important. If they weren’t born with the good sense to simply inherit their money then they deserve everything they get.