April 01, 2017 by Fay K. Nooze
Rumors are swirling throughout the Drexel University athletics world. Vague reports and first hand encounters repeatedly roll in from throughout campus, but as of yet they have been either unreliable or difficult to substantiate. But now, The Rectangle has received exclusive evidence of a fact that has been tough to prove: the existence of the Drexel squash team.
Centuries old American folklore tells that the squash team is a group of Dragons that inhabit the large metropolitan campuses, specifically the campus of Drexel University. They are said to be of average height and athletic build and be generally humanoid. The earliest stories say that these creatures may or may not have large, racket-like appendages attached to their arms and have large, glassy eyes with dark outlines.
This investigation began when a source who wishes to remain anonymous contacted The Rectangle sports desk with inside information that the squash team had been seen from a distance outside of the Daskalakis Athletic Center. After months of silence in rumors, this emergence was a huge revelation for the true believers in the existence of the fabled team.
After staking out for five consecutive days and nights in a particularly thick tree on Lancaster Walk, this reporter is here with the definitive evidence that the squash team does, in fact, exist. Presented with this article are photos that absolutely, undoubtedly prove that the “legends” of the Drexel University squash team are not legends, but in fact a truth as old as time.
Scientists have foolishly denied the existence of the Drexel squash team for years, calling it a hoax based in group hysteria, but these photographs seem to finally prove them wrong.