Local student fears friends will ask him opinion on upcoming albums

January means the start of a new year, 2017. For many it is the opportunity to start afresh, an opportunity to embrace everything new that could come your way. For local student, Teddy Cobble, it is his biggest fear.

Cobble is a boy, not yet a man, a sophomore who is slowly coming into his own at Drexel University. He has built a solid friend group by faking his way through conversations about various aspects of pop culture that his friends hold dear. Cobble is more of a book reader personally but he does his best to keep up with pals.

Music is something that comes up a lot. Cobble is a few years behind what’s hot and new and fresh in the music scene. His friends however, have a shrine built to Pitchfork.com in their living room. So each new year drives his friends into a frenzy as the clamor for what new albums for their favorite artists come out with. The anticipation drives them to a near euphoric state. It drives Cobble into a deep-seated panic.

“Are you excited for the new Lorde album Cob?” his friend Larry inquired. Shuddering, Cobble pulled his Jansport Drexel University hoodie hood over his head and tried to block them out.

“What about HAIM Ted? HAIM is supposed to release new music this year, it’s been so long!” cried his friend Jenny. Teddy began humming loudly to tune them out. A tightness in his chest started to develop, that’s new from last year he thought.

They circled, a cadre of hipsters sensing blood in the water and moved in for the kill.

“New Father John Misty!”

“Forget that phony, new Fleet Foxes!”

“Spoon is still a thing I hear, new Spoon Teddy!”

“You’re not a real music fan if you’re not ready for LCD Soundsystem Ted!”

“Rumors of new T-Swift Theodore, stay woke!”

Teddy retreated into the fetal position, frantically trying to get his earbuds in, hoping some Debussy will help him calm down, help him overcome the fear that began to paralyze his extremities. “I should have never left my blanket fort,” Teddy thought. It’s a valid point, if you build a blanket fort to avoid discussing the most anticipated albums of 2017 with your friends, why leave it?