April 01, 2017 by Dick Pound Jr.
The term is winding up again and and everyone knows what that means: immobilizing anxiety and the near certainty that your grades will make you the family disappointment. But in an effort to quell these Drexel shaft week blues, I’m going to do a beer review!
To begin, I want to clear the air about something. If you drink Natty Light, Bud Light, Coors Light or Keystone Light, you aren’t welcome here. Everyone knows that the only acceptable shitty beers are Narragansett (try spelling that while drunk) and Pabst Blue Ribbon. If you are one of these people then stop reading; you are garbage.
Now that we’re clear on that let’s get to the review.
After heading to the nearest deli that doesn’t give a shit about how bad my fake ID is, I picked out a random beer. Long Trail Limbo IPA was the choice, and at nearly $16 a six-pack, it looks like I’m going to be living off spaghetti and eggs for the week.
IPAs are the beer that, when handed to your girlfriend so she can try (let’s be real you probably don’t have a girlfriend if you’re reading beer reviews), produces a series of facial expressions comparable to those seen when testing to see if your two month old milk is still good to use.
But, you know, grow some balls and drink it.
The label for Limbo IPA depicts a skeleton sitting under a tree, and the tap handle for this beer is a replica human femur — that’s the thigh bone for any Bud Light drinkers that have made it this far. This imagery and the general theme of death fits well with the sorrow and despair felt by many Drexel University students during finals week.
It contains 7.6 percent alcohol by volume, which is just enough to ensure that after finishing the six-pack, I will pass out in my bed and finally get some fucking sleep.
Upon taking the first sip, you’re immediately met by a powerful hoppy taste with notes of citrus. They say there’s malt in there, but I’m going to be honest, I don’t really know what that’s supposed to taste like.
This beer is bit bitter, I’m not going to lie. But to prove your manliness I just suggest you act like it isn’t. Trust me, no one will know.
I’ve finished all six and the slew of bad decisions that followed include a few terrible online purchases, a drunk text to my ex and a poorly-aimed pee stream into my kitchen sink. I’ll clean it up tomorrow.
I give this beer three femurs out of five. They will make a nice addition to my collection.