April 01, 2017 by The Kevster
The finale of the Drexel Bachelorette will air on DUTV April 1 at 9 p.m. It has been a tumultuous season for Drexel University Television’s second-most popular program, reality or otherwise. Let’s recap some of this season’s highlights so that you are all caught up in time for the big finale.
This season’s bachelorette is Jill, everyone’s favorite contestant from the last season of the Drexel Bachelor. The statuesque brunette with the endearing smile was unceremoniously dumped by Akarsh with very little warning. Well, maybe there was a little warning seeing as she was the only non-Indian contestant remaining. But Akarsh and Prisha seem primed to be the first couple from either the Drexel Bachelor or Drexel Bachelorette to make it past graduation if you ask me. True love is in the air!
This season’s premiere had some really special moments as the 12 contestants met Jill for the first time. Four of the contestants, decked out in Old Navy sweatshirts and baggy jeans, made the bold move to sit in a circle around Jill without saying a word and then begin playing League of Legends on their laptops. Host Chris Harrison quickly shooed them away as Jill bit her lip and played with her hair, somehow forgetting that it was the “Drexel” Bachelorette after all. Quick shoutout to Harrison for hosting the show yet again. The man has so much free time.
Once everyone had made their way inside Ross Commons, the contestants all quickly gravitated towards one side of the room and conversed about how great it was to not have to pay $5 to attend a social function with an actual, living, breathing girl in attendance. After two hours of awkward silence, Jill finally doled out the roses, leaving all the Indian contestants empty-handed in a cold-blooded move of revenge! Who knew Jill would be so cold and uncaring? We would all soon find out.
One by one she began to lead on contestants and then dump them for seemingly no reason. After taking one-time intramural co-ed floor hockey player of the week Jake for a great solo date to the Hans, she left him hanging at the very next rose ceremony. The next week a group date with the four super cool bro dudes from Pi Kappa Alpha showing Jill how to properly shotgun a beer and book a collaboration room in the Gerri C. LeBow building ended with the whole lot of them being shown the door. Wow!
Then just two episodes ago, there were the hometown dates. Jill visited the contestants in exotic, faraway locations like Cherry Hill, Springfield, Jenkintown, Mount Laurel and of course, Northeast Philadelphia. So many parents charmed by the great conversation skills of our Bachelorette only to have their hopes dashed when their sons were dumped almost as soon as they left. Those ‘rents shouldn’t be too inconsolable though, because just by competing they automatically get to be on DUTV’s most popular program, “The Friend Zone.”
In no time at all Jill had narrowed the field down to just four contestants. Bill, a human slice of white bread hipster person with even less personality than previously thought possible. Jeter, a true LeBro whose rich parents hired a nanny to take care of him at his apartment in Domus. Lucia, such a sweet, sweet woman. Chasson, the Drexel Men’s Basketball player who missed three seasons in a row due to tearing both his ACLs (one twice!). Finally, there was Larry, a quiet, nerdy type who literally has not said an entire word this season but has managed to make it this far.
All four would have an opportunity to go into the Fantasy Suite with the lovely Jill. Now the Fantasy Suite on the Drexel Bachelorette is much different than the one on the Drexel Bachelor. On this show they might actually have sex in there. There’s no video games or pizza or a laptop showing off the Bachelor’s best CAD work. No, the one on this show has a bed and everything!
Though we could not put cameras in the Fantasy Suite, the contestants stopped by the confessional camera to give us a few scandalous details. Chasson said, “I walked in there, exclaimed, ‘Too small!’ made a face and then we just watched season seven of ‘The Office.’ The best one.” Jeter sat down in front of the camera, winked, and then began pumping his fist saying “Yeah Jeets! Yeah Jeets!” over and over again while pantomiming sex. Class act, that Jeter guy. Larry sat down and passed us a note that read, “I opened the door, gave a little wave, then went back to my room to play Overwatch.” Felt about right for Larry. Bill plopped down in his Sufjan Stevens t-shirt and immediately professed his love for Jill, “Like oh gosh, you guys, how great is she? She’s the greatest right? Right?” his voice cracking at the end. I’ve never seen eyes pleading for affirmation like that.
There was a lot of tension going into the second to last rose ceremony. Unfortunately for Bill, he was the one left sans rose. Jill’s reason? “Being with someone whose name rhymes with mine just feels weird.” Tough one Bill! Should have went by Billy. Solid name that is.
The finale feels totally up in the air? Will she pick Chasson with his questionable taste in situational comedy seasons? Will she pick Jeter with his nanny and oh so fratty nature? Or will it be Larry who may eventually utter some word or phrase before the season ends? Tune in to find out and stay tuned for “After the Rose” with host Chris Harrison as all the contestants from this season come back to tell all!