Ask Gary!

Hi Gary,

I am trying to figure out my housing situation for next year. There are a lot of options but most all of them are out of my price range. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Homeless Hank

 

Howdy Hank,

 

Housing is always a touchy subject at Drexel. To me, there is a direct correlation between how much the rent is and how likely you are to be killed in a home invasion. If you’re strapped for cash, you best get strapped for protection Hank.

 

Love,

Gary

 

Hello Gary,

 

I am a freshman who is getting ready to apply for my first co-op next fall. Do you have any tips for what to put in my resume that will impress possible employers?

 

Best,

Career-oriented Carla

 

Hey there Carla,

 

Co-op and resumes are always a touchy subject at Drexel. The most important thing to remember with resumes is this: Make it all up. I’m serious. The resume I sent out when I was looking for my first co-op two years ago was chock full of bulls–t. I’ll read some of it to you now. “Three years as head counselor at Camp Winooze,” never been there, made that name by drawing Scrabble tiles out of a bag. “Two summers lifeguarding at local YMCA,” I don’t even know how to swim. I could go on and on. Just throw anything you want on there. It’s about getting the job you want, not the job you deserve.

 

Best wishes,

Gary

 

Good day Mr. Gary,

 

There is a girl in one of my classes that is just the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I’m a bit too shy to talk to her since I think she is way out of my league. What should I do?

 

Thanks,

Shy Guy

 

Hi Guy,

 

Girls are always a touchy subject at Drexel. I find that the best way to a girl’s heart is to start out with unnecessary amounts of eye contact from week one to about week four. Then you drop the class. She will be all like, “Where did that creepy dude go?” Bam, now she knows who you are and you didn’t even have to say a thing. Soon enough, you’ll be in there like swimwear!

 

Faithfully yours,

Gary

 

Hi Gar,

 

Pizza is always a touchy subject at Drexel. I have tried most all of the pizza places around campus but can’t decide which one is the best. Definitively, what is the best pizza available on campus?

 

Cheers,

Pizza Pete

 

Bonjour Pete,

 

Pizza IS always a touchy subject at Drexel. There’s a lot of offerings that all basically taste the same to me. Are you a foodie, Pete? I don’t like foodies, Pete. If I have to pick one, it would have to be California Pizza. You can tell how much effort they put into every pie because the elbow grease just flows from each slice.

 

Happy eating,

Gary

 

Gary,

I’ve been trying to get lucky on Tinder lately but can’t really get anything going. Any tips?

Cordially,
Celibate Steve

Greetings Steve,

Tinder is always a touchy subject here at Drexel. I’d advise throwing your phone into the Schuylkill River.

Sincerely,
Gary

Hiya Gary,

I want to get in better shape but I don’t have much time to hit the gym because I am on co-op. Do you have any suggestions to help me out?

 

 

Thanks,

Overweight Oscar

Greetings Oscar,

Fitness is always a touchy subject at Drexel. I find the best to exercise is to integrate it into your daily routine. Walk to work instead of taking the shuttle. Walk to the subway that is 10 blocks away from your place instead of the one at Northside. Move to an apartment that is farther away from campus, all those steps will really add up! If that doesn’t feel strenuous enough, try walking around north of Spring Garden street after sundown. You’ll be sure to break out into a brisk jog every time you sense even the slightest hint of danger.

Kind regards,
Gary