Ask Gary! 2017 Submissions

Hiya Gary,

My friends are peer pressuring me into getting a Bitmoji but I think that they are a waste of time and merely serve as yet another way to make us slaves to our cellular devices. What do you think I should do?

Regards,

Bittermoji Becca

 

Hello there Becca,

Bitmoji is always a touchy subject at Drexel University. For a school full of introverted nerds who have a hard time expressing themselves via the spoken word, bitmoji is an easy way to share what you are feeling. Some say it is the best way to share your thoughts through the use of a creepy cartoon. Feels a bit Black Mirror-y if you ask me Bec! Just stick to regular emojis like the rest of us (insert sunglasses emoji here).

Cheers,

Gary

 

Hola Gary,

I want to propose to my girlfriend somewhere on Drexel’s campus but am unsure where or exactly how to do it. We met at the Hans freshman year in the French-dipped waffle line and now we are graduating in June. Any suggestions?

Kindly,

Lovestruck Larry

 

Buenos dias Larry,

Proposing is always a touchy subject at Drexel. Who woulda thunk that love existed on this barren wasteland of a campus? Not me, that’s for sure! Since the mighty Handschumacher Dining Center has been reduced to a mere shell of itself nowadays, I recommend you try proposing to your woman elsewhere. Maybe a location where others find love? That’s right, any fraternity house basement will do. Make sure to bring your girlfriend and like three of her friends or else they won’t let you in!

Good luck,

Gary

 

Greetings Gar,

I love drinking. As a Drexel student I am, how they say, practically driven to the activity. Lately, I have been vomiting because I drink too much. I want to stop vomiting but also don’t wanna

drink less. Any tips?

Best,

Barfing Barry

 

Ahoy Barry,

Vomiting is always a touchy subject at Drexel. Drinking is such a great release that sometimes you have to release again! If medicine was a true science I’d be able to help you out more after spending a little time on the ol’ WebMD. If you didn’t vomit did you really have the best time? Did you reach your Maximum Party Potential? Reaching your MPP is what college is all about baby! The key is to try to aspire to reach your MPP but don’t go and aspirate afterwards.

Love,

Gary

 

G’day Gary,

I have been hearing a lot about this hall-all food on campus. People really seem to love it! Any insights into which hall-all cart is best and what should I order?

Thanks,
Hall-all Hal

 

What’s good Hal,

Halal food is always a touchy subject here at Drexel. Gotta murder those animals just so, you know? I remember when there was just the one halal truck and you had to walk uphill three miles both ways to get to his sweet, sweet meat. Nowadays there are so many halal carts I can’t even count, and our numbers are derived from Arabic! Can they all be trusted? Where does that white sauce really come from? I’ve seen “Fight Club,” that’s all I’m saying. Trust your stomach. Do you read me, Hal?

Happy eating,

Gary

 

Guten tag Gary,

Let me be honest with you Gar, I am a big proponent of peeing in public. Not like in front of folks but just in various alleyways and underused corners around the city. Is there something wrong with me?

Forever yours,

Peeing Patty

 

Howdy Patty,

Peeing in public is always a touchy subject at Drexel. Props to you, a lady, dropping trou out in dem’ streets! When you gotta go, you gotta go I say. When nature calls, don’t let it go to voicemail. Though make sure to check around for the 5-0, if they see you takin’ care of business urine trouble!

Blessings,

Gary