Ask Gary

Greetings Gary,

I have been trying to find places other than my dorm room to do my homework. Any suggestions for good study spots on campus?

Thanks,

Studious Sam

 

Hi there Sam,

Homework is always a touchy subject at Drexel. The name suggests you should be doing the work at home but it can be hard sometimes, especially when your roommate keeps sexiling you with Brenda from Floor 16… God damn you, Luis. Anyway, I recommend one of the designated quiet areas in the ol’ Hagerty Library. You can fart all you want in there and no one can say a thing!

Best,

Gary

 

What’s up Gary,

There is a girl that I hang out with a lot and I think I “like like” but I’m not sure if she feels the same way. Should I tell her how I feel?

Warm regards,

Confused Colin

 

What’s good Colin,

Feelings are always a touchy subject at Drexel. The way I see it you have two options:  tell her or don’t. If you tell her I recommend subtweeting her until she understands how you feel. You could also go with a grand romantic gesture out on the ol’ quadrangle. High risk, high reward! If either of those don’t work or you decide not to tell her, not to worry: just transfer to another school.

Fondly,

Gary

 

Salut Gary,

I just turned 21 and am looking to expand my taste of beers beyond Natural Light now that I can freely buy my own drinks. What do you think the best beer is?

Cheers,

Legal Larry

 

Bonjour Larry,

Beer is always a touchy subject at Drexel. When the rare Drexel party crops up it’s always the jungle juice the kids serve these days, never a fine lager or session beer. How is tuition so high but the drink selection at campus social gatherings so weak? It boggles the mind. Anyway, I advise buying Miller High Life. It’s the champagne of beers. What are rich and fancy people always drinking? Champagne. Case closed.

Au revoir,

Gary

 

Hello Gary,

I’m 23 years old and a graduating senior. Unfortunately, I have not managed to lose my virginity yet. Any ideas that could help remedy my situation?

Sincerely,

Sexless Shane

 

Hey there Shane,

Virginity is always a touchy subject at Drexel. Well in your case it sounds like it’s lacking touch. Oh gosh. Anyways, I got nothing. Maybe wait 17 years and then watch that one Judd Apatow movie. That’s what I did.

Good luck getting lucky,

Gary

 

Howdy Gary,

I want to get more involved on campus here. What are some good clubs or organizations to join so that I can meet new people?

You da man Gar,

Introverted Irene

 

‘Sup Irene,

I have no clue. I don’t go to Drexel.

Stay blessed,

Gary