By: Washington Irving Philadelphia was shocked March 20 when a procession of robed Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority officials marched to City Hall and set themselves ablaze in protest of the limited funding received by the agency. The procession, in which they chanted in ancient Aramaic and wore red-and-blue-striped robes bearing the SEPTA logo on the [...]
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The DP pales in comparison to The Triangle
By: Irving Washington The Triangle is far superior to The Daily Pennsylvanian. Ladies and gentlemen, I recently picked up a newspaper by the Wawa at 36th and Chestnut streets. This free paper, The Daily Pennsylvanian, simply isn’t worth the price. I cannot understand why anyone would trust a media outlet like The DP, a bastion [...]
Editorial: President Frizzle is a total hottie
President Jay Frizzle won the title of Sexiest Collegiate President Alive … IN OUR HEARTS. While hooked up to the Inception Pasiv Dream Machine, The Editorial Board watched Frizzle accept the award as he floated to the podium over white pillowy clouds. He was dressed in his usual dapper suit with mad bitches swooning at [...]
Alcohol must be abolished from campus
By: The Temperance League The rampant use of alcohol by underage students at Drexel University is a problem and a scourge among the University community. Students frequently imbibe far too much alcohol, which leads to many of them being sent to a hospital to be treated for alcohol poisoning and then having a hearing with [...]
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